for the first time in months, i know with full certainty what needs to be done. not half-heartedly, like, oh maybe i should do this? maybe doing this will work? maybe if i try this i’ll get the results i need? is it the right thing to do?
it’s like i’ve been growing a backbone for the last three months and it took a little bending around to realize it was there. it’s time for this business to turn around and everyone, including me, to toe the line towards becoming amazing.
i guess it came from being plenty homesick, plenty tired, plenty frustrated (about the state of things), and remembering a promise i made in september 2010 during my revalida. i almost cried when i realized (at that time) that i was ready to make that commitment and declare it to the world. it was scary. it was daunting. it was the best thing i had done for myself in the last 24 years of my life.
i guess what i’m trying to say is, i’ve given so much to just have the opportunity to grow up and be here and make a difference. i’ve been given so much by my mentors and peers to be the best of who i can be. other people took whatever it is inside them that made them believe i’m right for this job and bet on what i could do. my bosses, my mentors, my peers– they’ve got a stake in this, if only because i’m in a position that anyone else could have had instead of me.
i’m an hour and forty-five minutes away from home by plane. i’m cooking my own meals. i talk to myself in the car on the way to work to tell myself that no one belongs here more than i do, that i have what it takes to make the vision i have for my company here in Bacolod City real. i’m not going to discredit the maturity this experience has given me by wasting my time and being mediocre.
it’s time to stop second-guessing whether i can pull off what i have every bit of skill to do. it’s time to stop second-guessing the answers i formulate to the questions i’ve been trying to answer correctly and diligently for the last few weeks.
and because it is worth doing, i will do it well, i will do it fast, i will do it with fireworks.
sunshine spilling over 